you’ve articulated it perfectly!! i deleted tik tok three years because i realised it put me in these deep spirals of wanting to be someone else when that wasn’t who i was at all. i love didion and all the books related to the “thought daughter” aesthetic but im more than that. i also love fantasy and romance novels, i love to enjoy myself doing my little hobbies. i am more than an aesthetic and so is everyone else, yet they forget that. being on bookstagram allows me to express myself and also curate my personal aesthetic, but it’s also important that remember why i write and read in the first place, and why i made a platform in the first place, to create space where i could be me.
speaking as someone with a 20 year old copy of The Virgin Suicides still on my shelves i.e. that description read me to filth - or my younger self anyway , the basic concept of a 'thought daughter' and trying to read according to it doesn't sound that different from my c. 2016-18 monthly reading challenges where the challenges were based on memes (example topic for January: "Sure, Jan" aka pick a book with an unreliable narrator; "It's been 84 years" aka pick a book written 84 years ago or by an author born 84 years ago) and community in-jokes, and it was the most fun I've ever had in any kind of book club/reading challege/collective reading exercise.
.... but the version of 'thought daughter' stuff that's apparently in practice sounds less like reading for enjoyment or edification and more like the reading version of following fashion trends, which is honestly depressing. Reading is such an interior activity, there's something very jarring in seeing it reduced to an aesthetic and books to accessories too - the 'right' books and the 'right' setting etc. and of course it's a setting where Joan Didion and Albert Camus would be acceptable reading but never Andrea Dworkin or Edward Said or Susan Faludi or even Eduardo Galeano.
i appreciate this comment so much! your comparison to fashion trends is on the nose. i have such a vague memory of the reading challenges, but you’re bringing it back to me. thank you so much for reading 💌
I should be clear, I'm all in favour of people reading Didion/Babitz/Camus or just more in general even if it starts off as only for the aesthetic or as part of a persona. Reading more is a good thing! But the consumerism and image-accessorising of this specific approach is what's so unsettling to me.
The reading challenge I referred to was probably a bit before your time, it was this one: https://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/108798998.html, the memes/themes may be a bit opaque but the broad idea was to read more and actually enjoy it. Which is always a goal I can support.
trying to find sufficient words to describe how on the nose this is but I simply cannot other than to say this is so brilliantly written!! one of the main reasons I got so fed up with tiktok that I deleted it was this never ending cycle of essentially just new things to buy. I think it’s especially sinister that this whole phenomena makes you think you’ve curated an individual identity but of course it’s not truly an individual identity but an identity based on consumerism patterns. anyways this was a pleasure to read!!!!
Yes! You’ve hit the nail on the head with your elegant, brilliant and “thoughtful” (I’m sorry I couldn’t resist) critique the never ending cycle of internet trend culture. There’s something that makes me mildly nauseous about the lit it girl aesthetic, yet I can’t quite explain why. Your writing delves into the why so astutely, with razor sharp wit and delicate nuance. The consumption or exploitation or art as a means to hoard obscene profit or to enhance social media clout just doesn’t sit right with me either. For example, I adore Didion, I studied her books in college, I have quotes memorized, yet I cringe with disdain whenever I see yet another insta style pic of some ultra curated and manicured Didion bookshelf. Reading is not some buy-more-needless-junk trend, it’s not some short lived fashion, to me reading is a deeply personal, quiet, and intimate experience that doesn’t really translate to bs consumerist aesthetic and superficial social media performance. Strawberry girl summer lmao (unfortunately it’s funny because it’s true. Tbh strawberry girl is not too far away from the tomato girl nonsense or whatever the next lit it girl tend may be.) Anyhow thank you for writing this excellent take down of the harms that comes with appropriating books, art, and aesthetics as a means to promote consumerist trends. Books are so much more than some shady sales pitch, and they’re not meant to be bastardized into meaningless junk to feed the insatiable capitalist machine. It’s not right. I agree with you; I think that people deserve better. You wrote about this topic in such a powerful way, with a sense of humor too. Thank you for speaking up on this one!
thank you so much for your kind words! i agree with you completely, the insta curated bookshelf is oversaturated and like you so brilliantly said "superficial social media performance." such good points and thank you for reading <3
Wow this is brilliant! As someone some generations older, I wasn’t aware of this specific paradigm, but I have seen signs on Instagram. Young people have to navigate a complicated online existence it seems. It must be exhausting to constantly having to reinvent yourself. I have noticed how bloggers have used this specific method to sell products. The Swedish Mathilda Djerf is a peak example at this.
Incredibly well put! Btw I'll do a "favorite articles and essays I've read this week" on instagram and I added yours to the list, just wanted to let you know
this perfectly encapsulates the frustration that i and i’m sure so many other people feel when on social media. the commodification and anesthetization of every interest is a true hindrance to so many impressionable people searching for a true sense of individualism
reading this piece inspires me to strongly rebel against these everchanging tiktok trends so hard by just being - myself (surprise!!). since the origination of tiktok, i've struggled with wanting to be one thing, or have one hobby but realizing that contradicts with the identity of the latest viral 'it girl'. what if i want to be an outdoorsy camping girl but in a rugged 1970's beer drinking, cigarette smoking way and not in a granola van-life hippie chick way? what if i also want to be the girl who takes herself to the spa every month - do i need to identify strictly as the 'clean girl' and 'pilates princess'? here come the inner thoughts telling me i am not at all like that, anddddd cue the identity crisis that follows. oh wait, i want to dress like a 'camp' fashion icon but i can't escape from the comfort and ease of a t-shirt and yoga pants. truth be told, humans are way too multifaceted and these trends go against everything we inherently are. i find it way more interesting to hear about those that have gone after all their desires and interests without the need to conform - someone that comes to mind is bruce dickinson, lead singer of the heavy metal band iron maiden. quickly deciding the rock 'n' roll lifestyle wasn't for him, he pursued other hobbies to keep his mind alive. so a heavy metal singer can be a fencer, pilot, entrepreneur, author, beer brewer, and motivational speaker?? i think i can be anything i want to be too <3 thank you for this piece - it is so well done.
Woooow this made me feel old, haha. I had NO idea what a thought daughter was going into this, and have ended it on the thought "are the kids alright? Because this feels like a lot of pressure that they're under."
I'm 35 so was there at the dawn of social media, worked in it, lived in it etc. I'm on the other side of it now and in my "can't be bothered with that" era, so I miss a lot of the trends. This idea of wanting to fit in to be considered attractive and desirable is nothing new, but the social media of it all does just make it so insidious. It's great that you can see that and question it, as we all should do, because really none of it's real. Years of working in it taught me simply that noone selling to you on social media is coming at it in an attempt to boost your welfare, they just want the cold hard cash and they don't care how they make it.
Thought daughter as a thing sounds like bullshit. Just another way to make being a normal human being that just happens to have been born female try to mold themselves into something that makes them less than.
Great post anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts (and educating me on the ways of the youth) 💪🏻
Sarah, joining in with others to say how good of a piece this is! I said this in my restack of the essay, but so much of the convo about social-media aesthetics probably comes across as silly to many people at first. But it's incredibly harmful when society commodifies the things that we love in this way!!
Very nice read. One benefit I've found as I've gotten older is realizing that an aesthetic/trend/idea that seems destined to be eternally and universally dominant will soon fade away, even becoming cringeworthy in just a few years. As you see more and more of these boom-and-bust cycles, you stop taking them too seriously. Or rather, you only take seriously what you personally think should be taken seriously, as opposed to trying to keep up with others in order to be part of the zeitgeist.
Also, if you made a Euro 2024 bracket, who are your finalists? I have the Netherlands vs. England (with England winning), but I'm now thinking I was stupid for thinking Southgate couldn't possibly screw over England yet again.
i love that point so much! also thank you for asking about Euros, i've been dying to discuss! i have england and spain as finalists, but i'm in the same boat with southgate right now. it's brutal out here but every day i sit and watch and hope for the best <3
Good picks. Seeing how the Netherlands just played against Austria, I wish I picked Spain too, though I'm still haunted by their goal-impotence in the last few tournaments.
Austria and Poland giving England another absolute gift of a road to the final. If England blow this...
Wow! same thought :) That's exactly why I deactivated my Instagram and TikTok accounts. It feels like those aesthetics are constantly being pushed in my face 24/7.
This articulates everything I've been thinking about for so long! Reading being reduced to aesthetics is why I stopped my bookstagram back in the day - I was literally taking more photos of books than I was actually reading them. Great piece <3
I really hate to be the bearer of bad news... but strawberry girl aesthetic is def a thing and has been a thing for over a year now. Also, your writing sings. Love it.
I agree !! you've collected the points brilliantly ^.^ on another note, I think the reason these aesthetics emerge and spread is simply because everyone is looking for a place to belong, right? you kind of said this when you wrote about how it is nothing but the want for desirability, and it perhaps goes beyond that. social acceptance and belongingness (within oneself as well) are one of the most powerful yearnings the human heart can have
you’ve articulated it perfectly!! i deleted tik tok three years because i realised it put me in these deep spirals of wanting to be someone else when that wasn’t who i was at all. i love didion and all the books related to the “thought daughter” aesthetic but im more than that. i also love fantasy and romance novels, i love to enjoy myself doing my little hobbies. i am more than an aesthetic and so is everyone else, yet they forget that. being on bookstagram allows me to express myself and also curate my personal aesthetic, but it’s also important that remember why i write and read in the first place, and why i made a platform in the first place, to create space where i could be me.
i love this, i'm glad you know you're more than an aesthetic and have that space to be yourself <3
yessss
speaking as someone with a 20 year old copy of The Virgin Suicides still on my shelves i.e. that description read me to filth - or my younger self anyway , the basic concept of a 'thought daughter' and trying to read according to it doesn't sound that different from my c. 2016-18 monthly reading challenges where the challenges were based on memes (example topic for January: "Sure, Jan" aka pick a book with an unreliable narrator; "It's been 84 years" aka pick a book written 84 years ago or by an author born 84 years ago) and community in-jokes, and it was the most fun I've ever had in any kind of book club/reading challege/collective reading exercise.
.... but the version of 'thought daughter' stuff that's apparently in practice sounds less like reading for enjoyment or edification and more like the reading version of following fashion trends, which is honestly depressing. Reading is such an interior activity, there's something very jarring in seeing it reduced to an aesthetic and books to accessories too - the 'right' books and the 'right' setting etc. and of course it's a setting where Joan Didion and Albert Camus would be acceptable reading but never Andrea Dworkin or Edward Said or Susan Faludi or even Eduardo Galeano.
i appreciate this comment so much! your comparison to fashion trends is on the nose. i have such a vague memory of the reading challenges, but you’re bringing it back to me. thank you so much for reading 💌
I should be clear, I'm all in favour of people reading Didion/Babitz/Camus or just more in general even if it starts off as only for the aesthetic or as part of a persona. Reading more is a good thing! But the consumerism and image-accessorising of this specific approach is what's so unsettling to me.
The reading challenge I referred to was probably a bit before your time, it was this one: https://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/108798998.html, the memes/themes may be a bit opaque but the broad idea was to read more and actually enjoy it. Which is always a goal I can support.
trying to find sufficient words to describe how on the nose this is but I simply cannot other than to say this is so brilliantly written!! one of the main reasons I got so fed up with tiktok that I deleted it was this never ending cycle of essentially just new things to buy. I think it’s especially sinister that this whole phenomena makes you think you’ve curated an individual identity but of course it’s not truly an individual identity but an identity based on consumerism patterns. anyways this was a pleasure to read!!!!
hannah i adore you! it really is so sinister (perfect word for this)
Yes! You’ve hit the nail on the head with your elegant, brilliant and “thoughtful” (I’m sorry I couldn’t resist) critique the never ending cycle of internet trend culture. There’s something that makes me mildly nauseous about the lit it girl aesthetic, yet I can’t quite explain why. Your writing delves into the why so astutely, with razor sharp wit and delicate nuance. The consumption or exploitation or art as a means to hoard obscene profit or to enhance social media clout just doesn’t sit right with me either. For example, I adore Didion, I studied her books in college, I have quotes memorized, yet I cringe with disdain whenever I see yet another insta style pic of some ultra curated and manicured Didion bookshelf. Reading is not some buy-more-needless-junk trend, it’s not some short lived fashion, to me reading is a deeply personal, quiet, and intimate experience that doesn’t really translate to bs consumerist aesthetic and superficial social media performance. Strawberry girl summer lmao (unfortunately it’s funny because it’s true. Tbh strawberry girl is not too far away from the tomato girl nonsense or whatever the next lit it girl tend may be.) Anyhow thank you for writing this excellent take down of the harms that comes with appropriating books, art, and aesthetics as a means to promote consumerist trends. Books are so much more than some shady sales pitch, and they’re not meant to be bastardized into meaningless junk to feed the insatiable capitalist machine. It’s not right. I agree with you; I think that people deserve better. You wrote about this topic in such a powerful way, with a sense of humor too. Thank you for speaking up on this one!
thank you so much for your kind words! i agree with you completely, the insta curated bookshelf is oversaturated and like you so brilliantly said "superficial social media performance." such good points and thank you for reading <3
Wow this is brilliant! As someone some generations older, I wasn’t aware of this specific paradigm, but I have seen signs on Instagram. Young people have to navigate a complicated online existence it seems. It must be exhausting to constantly having to reinvent yourself. I have noticed how bloggers have used this specific method to sell products. The Swedish Mathilda Djerf is a peak example at this.
matilda is a great example! thank you for reading!
I now identify as a sexy strawberry girl🍓🍰😂. Beautiful piece 🍓🍰
HAHAH thank you 🍓💌 welcome to sexy strawberry girl summer
Incredibly well put! Btw I'll do a "favorite articles and essays I've read this week" on instagram and I added yours to the list, just wanted to let you know
that is so sweet of you! thank you! and i’m so glad you enjoyed the essay
this perfectly encapsulates the frustration that i and i’m sure so many other people feel when on social media. the commodification and anesthetization of every interest is a true hindrance to so many impressionable people searching for a true sense of individualism
thank you! it is truly so difficult out there
reading this piece inspires me to strongly rebel against these everchanging tiktok trends so hard by just being - myself (surprise!!). since the origination of tiktok, i've struggled with wanting to be one thing, or have one hobby but realizing that contradicts with the identity of the latest viral 'it girl'. what if i want to be an outdoorsy camping girl but in a rugged 1970's beer drinking, cigarette smoking way and not in a granola van-life hippie chick way? what if i also want to be the girl who takes herself to the spa every month - do i need to identify strictly as the 'clean girl' and 'pilates princess'? here come the inner thoughts telling me i am not at all like that, anddddd cue the identity crisis that follows. oh wait, i want to dress like a 'camp' fashion icon but i can't escape from the comfort and ease of a t-shirt and yoga pants. truth be told, humans are way too multifaceted and these trends go against everything we inherently are. i find it way more interesting to hear about those that have gone after all their desires and interests without the need to conform - someone that comes to mind is bruce dickinson, lead singer of the heavy metal band iron maiden. quickly deciding the rock 'n' roll lifestyle wasn't for him, he pursued other hobbies to keep his mind alive. so a heavy metal singer can be a fencer, pilot, entrepreneur, author, beer brewer, and motivational speaker?? i think i can be anything i want to be too <3 thank you for this piece - it is so well done.
Woooow this made me feel old, haha. I had NO idea what a thought daughter was going into this, and have ended it on the thought "are the kids alright? Because this feels like a lot of pressure that they're under."
I'm 35 so was there at the dawn of social media, worked in it, lived in it etc. I'm on the other side of it now and in my "can't be bothered with that" era, so I miss a lot of the trends. This idea of wanting to fit in to be considered attractive and desirable is nothing new, but the social media of it all does just make it so insidious. It's great that you can see that and question it, as we all should do, because really none of it's real. Years of working in it taught me simply that noone selling to you on social media is coming at it in an attempt to boost your welfare, they just want the cold hard cash and they don't care how they make it.
Thought daughter as a thing sounds like bullshit. Just another way to make being a normal human being that just happens to have been born female try to mold themselves into something that makes them less than.
Great post anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts (and educating me on the ways of the youth) 💪🏻
Sarah, joining in with others to say how good of a piece this is! I said this in my restack of the essay, but so much of the convo about social-media aesthetics probably comes across as silly to many people at first. But it's incredibly harmful when society commodifies the things that we love in this way!!
thank you so much for your kind words! i couldn't agree more with this, and the points from your restack. i'm glad you enjoyed this essay!
Very nice read. One benefit I've found as I've gotten older is realizing that an aesthetic/trend/idea that seems destined to be eternally and universally dominant will soon fade away, even becoming cringeworthy in just a few years. As you see more and more of these boom-and-bust cycles, you stop taking them too seriously. Or rather, you only take seriously what you personally think should be taken seriously, as opposed to trying to keep up with others in order to be part of the zeitgeist.
Also, if you made a Euro 2024 bracket, who are your finalists? I have the Netherlands vs. England (with England winning), but I'm now thinking I was stupid for thinking Southgate couldn't possibly screw over England yet again.
i love that point so much! also thank you for asking about Euros, i've been dying to discuss! i have england and spain as finalists, but i'm in the same boat with southgate right now. it's brutal out here but every day i sit and watch and hope for the best <3
Good picks. Seeing how the Netherlands just played against Austria, I wish I picked Spain too, though I'm still haunted by their goal-impotence in the last few tournaments.
Austria and Poland giving England another absolute gift of a road to the final. If England blow this...
Wow! same thought :) That's exactly why I deactivated my Instagram and TikTok accounts. It feels like those aesthetics are constantly being pushed in my face 24/7.
This articulates everything I've been thinking about for so long! Reading being reduced to aesthetics is why I stopped my bookstagram back in the day - I was literally taking more photos of books than I was actually reading them. Great piece <3
I really hate to be the bearer of bad news... but strawberry girl aesthetic is def a thing and has been a thing for over a year now. Also, your writing sings. Love it.
I agree !! you've collected the points brilliantly ^.^ on another note, I think the reason these aesthetics emerge and spread is simply because everyone is looking for a place to belong, right? you kind of said this when you wrote about how it is nothing but the want for desirability, and it perhaps goes beyond that. social acceptance and belongingness (within oneself as well) are one of the most powerful yearnings the human heart can have