I feel like this season’s a good representation of gen z dating scene too, men who won’t ever commit bc they’re waiting for the next best thing and the position they put women in (competitive, disingenuous, petty) not feeling very articulate rn but definitely feeling this
this! was put in a similar situation and then i was then told exactly this, word-by-word "youre not a girl's girl". (I wasn't blameless but i had no ill intentions whatsoever) when in reality the person who caused the most harm was the man who was two timing
I completely agree on your take on the girls girl!! I feel like when you say or do something for yourself you’re labeled as a not a girls girl but what does that even mean?? Love Island (which i hate this season) is to explore romantic interests, none of these people know each other nor do they owe each other shit because theyre women. Im just so tired of it!!
this season is a full-blown tragedy, and the racial politics aren’t as cut and dry as the internet wants to make it out to be. but mostly, this is the first season where i’m really aware that i’m watching twenty-somethings who grew up on the internet try to date. a lot of these ladies are professional influencers who peddle in perfection and the cracks are showing, heavy. i’m devastated for all of them, success or not.
and don’t get me started on the men. (can you write a part two?)
I think it was Jon Ronson’s The Psychopath Test where he says that reality tv shows have psychologists during the initial stages to weed out the most psychologically fraught contenders for the show, to make for better viewing… it genuinely feels like a pressure cooker — sex, money and beautiful people, it’s so hard to not get hooked. but at the same it’s poorly veiled by-purpose as an elongated ad and how blatantly unethical it is poses a real reckoning with us, what you say about love island as a halogen-hued microcosm for real life is so true, it doesn’t just reflect the clusterfuck that is modern dating but our insatiable need for noise, to consume, regardless of it’s unethical backdrop. ♥️
My two cents, there are very few girls girls unless they are women happily married who then help their friends find love. Maybe some future nuns too are girls girls. Otherwise almost any women will throw another women under the bus to get a man.
Loved this post so much, Sarah! I wrote a sort of recent one about the not like other girls trope as a tool used to hobble other women, and I think this is making such excellent points about the similar use of 'girl's girl' - like, you believe in girls supporting girls and you're demonstrating that by insulting girls? Something is not clicking.
thank you for writing this piece, I enjoyed it cause I agree so hard! I’m not much of a reality tv watcher but LI got me hooked with the drama and the suspense, but I think it’s necessary to take a step back and realize what really is the villas effect. Still I hope to see more pieces like this and some touching on the men’s role, though I feel it’s a bit dry there but who knows !
you’re spot on. the only reality tv I really watch are the ones based in summer themes because of the vacay vibes. I got into love island because there was at least one female lead I liked and maybe a couple that was cute. I’m not a true bravo girl because I hate the constant catty attitudes and negative energy. the men female friendships, and romance’s on these shows are insufferable and should not be romanticized in any way shape or form
woohoo! Love a people's princess delivery day!! and I totallyyy agree - this season is a mess. I'm in France for the whole month of July so I can't watch it, and honestly I'm not mad about it -- but I would've been devastated last season!
Thanks for keeping me in touch with Love Island discourse! Enjoyed reading this.
Seems like you’d prefer a world where women can just be more honest about whatever competitiveness or dislike they may have about other women because the standards of being a “girl’s girl” are impossible and almost nobody follows them anyway?
Two thoughts here (1) The underlying thesis you have here - this weaponization of "girls girl" by women is what I was most drawn to, and using the reality tv examples as the center piece is really - excellent. (2) I think you touched on something that I think about a lot is "are women allowed to dislike each other?" I think about this - specifically in work context - a lot. I think the answer is obvious - no, we are expected all like each other, especially at work. So much so, we are always supposed to defend or support? And it's odd because, It's annoying we do not have the nuance to be like "No, I don't like Mary, we don't get along but if Mary reached out for X advise, I'd give it" Wildly annoying Mary and I are expected to be chummy. Why are women given less permission to disagree or not vibe with each other? As if it's some larger piece of evidence that we are incompetent? a mess? (3) Intro the weaponization of girls girl. That is when that typically happens. Always needed to over explain the level in which WHY sometimes girls just don't vibe, but that doesn't mean we are against ourselves.
Anyways, just sharing some a loud thoughts here, likely needs to get sussed out more. Thanks for this piece!
I haven't watch love island but your take on being girls'girl is so true, personally I feel like the label itself is overrated with misconception and is always being misused as if you're a girl's girl you have to LIKE every girl you encounter or being a girl's girl means you tend to be miss popular (like being a girl's girl is like a super power you need to climb the popularity pole) or something. Which i feel is not fully true, people fall out and some people don't click it happens but that doesn't mean if women in conflict with women states that we aren't a girl's girl It depends on the situation and matter at hand (if that make sense 😅). But nonetheless I agree with your beautifully written take on this topic.
I feel like this season’s a good representation of gen z dating scene too, men who won’t ever commit bc they’re waiting for the next best thing and the position they put women in (competitive, disingenuous, petty) not feeling very articulate rn but definitely feeling this
i agree completely!!! that’s such a noticeable element of this season rn
this! was put in a similar situation and then i was then told exactly this, word-by-word "youre not a girl's girl". (I wasn't blameless but i had no ill intentions whatsoever) when in reality the person who caused the most harm was the man who was two timing
I completely agree on your take on the girls girl!! I feel like when you say or do something for yourself you’re labeled as a not a girls girl but what does that even mean?? Love Island (which i hate this season) is to explore romantic interests, none of these people know each other nor do they owe each other shit because theyre women. Im just so tired of it!!
agreed!!
this season is a full-blown tragedy, and the racial politics aren’t as cut and dry as the internet wants to make it out to be. but mostly, this is the first season where i’m really aware that i’m watching twenty-somethings who grew up on the internet try to date. a lot of these ladies are professional influencers who peddle in perfection and the cracks are showing, heavy. i’m devastated for all of them, success or not.
and don’t get me started on the men. (can you write a part two?)
you put this so eloquently, i completely agree with this! also the men… horrible, awful, tragic really
thank you so much!
funny how the season turned around for the better after some surprising but necessary exits.
i’m really happy for amaya papaya and my gurl olandria deserves the world. can’t wait to see where the two of them go from here.
I think it was Jon Ronson’s The Psychopath Test where he says that reality tv shows have psychologists during the initial stages to weed out the most psychologically fraught contenders for the show, to make for better viewing… it genuinely feels like a pressure cooker — sex, money and beautiful people, it’s so hard to not get hooked. but at the same it’s poorly veiled by-purpose as an elongated ad and how blatantly unethical it is poses a real reckoning with us, what you say about love island as a halogen-hued microcosm for real life is so true, it doesn’t just reflect the clusterfuck that is modern dating but our insatiable need for noise, to consume, regardless of it’s unethical backdrop. ♥️
this is a wonderful point!!!
my brain is poisoned with love island rn and i cannot think about literally anything else so thank u for writing this it’s perfect
i love u. would couple up with u in a heartbeat
if we were coupled up i would close it off with you immediately
My two cents, there are very few girls girls unless they are women happily married who then help their friends find love. Maybe some future nuns too are girls girls. Otherwise almost any women will throw another women under the bus to get a man.
Loved this post so much, Sarah! I wrote a sort of recent one about the not like other girls trope as a tool used to hobble other women, and I think this is making such excellent points about the similar use of 'girl's girl' - like, you believe in girls supporting girls and you're demonstrating that by insulting girls? Something is not clicking.
thank you for writing this piece, I enjoyed it cause I agree so hard! I’m not much of a reality tv watcher but LI got me hooked with the drama and the suspense, but I think it’s necessary to take a step back and realize what really is the villas effect. Still I hope to see more pieces like this and some touching on the men’s role, though I feel it’s a bit dry there but who knows !
you’re spot on. the only reality tv I really watch are the ones based in summer themes because of the vacay vibes. I got into love island because there was at least one female lead I liked and maybe a couple that was cute. I’m not a true bravo girl because I hate the constant catty attitudes and negative energy. the men female friendships, and romance’s on these shows are insufferable and should not be romanticized in any way shape or form
woohoo! Love a people's princess delivery day!! and I totallyyy agree - this season is a mess. I'm in France for the whole month of July so I can't watch it, and honestly I'm not mad about it -- but I would've been devastated last season!
Season 6 was truly DIFFERENT i miss PPG
Thanks for keeping me in touch with Love Island discourse! Enjoyed reading this.
Seems like you’d prefer a world where women can just be more honest about whatever competitiveness or dislike they may have about other women because the standards of being a “girl’s girl” are impossible and almost nobody follows them anyway?
Two thoughts here (1) The underlying thesis you have here - this weaponization of "girls girl" by women is what I was most drawn to, and using the reality tv examples as the center piece is really - excellent. (2) I think you touched on something that I think about a lot is "are women allowed to dislike each other?" I think about this - specifically in work context - a lot. I think the answer is obvious - no, we are expected all like each other, especially at work. So much so, we are always supposed to defend or support? And it's odd because, It's annoying we do not have the nuance to be like "No, I don't like Mary, we don't get along but if Mary reached out for X advise, I'd give it" Wildly annoying Mary and I are expected to be chummy. Why are women given less permission to disagree or not vibe with each other? As if it's some larger piece of evidence that we are incompetent? a mess? (3) Intro the weaponization of girls girl. That is when that typically happens. Always needed to over explain the level in which WHY sometimes girls just don't vibe, but that doesn't mean we are against ourselves.
Anyways, just sharing some a loud thoughts here, likely needs to get sussed out more. Thanks for this piece!
I haven't watch love island but your take on being girls'girl is so true, personally I feel like the label itself is overrated with misconception and is always being misused as if you're a girl's girl you have to LIKE every girl you encounter or being a girl's girl means you tend to be miss popular (like being a girl's girl is like a super power you need to climb the popularity pole) or something. Which i feel is not fully true, people fall out and some people don't click it happens but that doesn't mean if women in conflict with women states that we aren't a girl's girl It depends on the situation and matter at hand (if that make sense 😅). But nonetheless I agree with your beautifully written take on this topic.
i relate and love this post! Thank you for sharing
Why do "competition dating shows" even exist???