A few things to say, hopefully one or more is helpful:
1. Something I've started to impress on myself recently as a young person living alone is that you need to take absolutely any opportunity to socialize with people in order to keep feeling like a human animal. There are so many problems that feel so pressing when you're trapped in the home of your mind that dissolve when you're a little better socialized.
2. It can be very helpful to talk to, or at least hear interviews from, people who have the career positions you want. (If it's hard to think of such people, your career idea needs better specification). One thing that quickly becomes obvious is that they often take a pretty meandering road to get there. Often the road to the best career moments is really about putting yourself in the vicinity of the right opportunities and taking then as they come.
3. It's might sound trite, but you are actually very brave for a) putting your writing like this out there and b) putting our 20 job applications a day. I have a job, but when I was searching I never put out so many job apps at once. Getting that many rejections is equally as hard. I'm not saying it's easy for you, of course, but be proud you're doing it.
A few things to say, hopefully one or more is helpful:
1. Something I've started to impress on myself recently as a young person living alone is that you need to take absolutely any opportunity to socialize with people in order to keep feeling like a human animal. There are so many problems that feel so pressing when you're trapped in the home of your mind that dissolve when you're a little better socialized.
2. It can be very helpful to talk to, or at least hear interviews from, people who have the career positions you want. (If it's hard to think of such people, your career idea needs better specification). One thing that quickly becomes obvious is that they often take a pretty meandering road to get there. Often the road to the best career moments is really about putting yourself in the vicinity of the right opportunities and taking then as they come.
3. It's might sound trite, but you are actually very brave for a) putting your writing like this out there and b) putting our 20 job applications a day. I have a job, but when I was searching I never put out so many job apps at once. Getting that many rejections is equally as hard. I'm not saying it's easy for you, of course, but be proud you're doing it.
4. This blog reminded me a lot of this piece, about how one can be happiest in the ruins of the expectations one once had for themselves: https://sashachapin.substack.com/p/playing-in-the-ruins
i love all of this!! thank you so much for reading and for this wonderful sense of reassurance <3