I've always felt like It-girlness of the Alexa Chung/Cory Kennedy kind is a double-edged sword - yes, they get attention (the 'boys want her, girls want to be her' - heavier emphasis on the latter than the former especially in fashion/cultural impact terms) but it comes at the cost of never quite being taken seriously. Sofia Coppola had to make four era-defining films (ymmv on the fourth but the first three undoubtedly shaped the look of the tumblr-era internet and aesthetic culture with it, and their impact continues to this day), win an Oscar AND a major film festival before critics admitted she wasn't just some nepo dilettante who dressed nicely, her leading lady in two of those four films (Kirsten Dunst) had her talent dismissed and downplayed for 20 years before everyone started actually watching her filmography and noticing the sheer range of her performances instead of putting her down because she was young and liked to party or go out without a bra sometimes.
And that box is confining for the women in it too. We see it every time either of the Hadid sisters speaks about Palestine - 'shut up and know your place i.e. looking good in pictures'. Cory Kennedy is on record talking about how the attention she received as a 15 year old made it hard for her to get a proper job or live a normal adult life. Like their existence in the public eye or at all is only acceptable as long as they aren't anything but 'the It girl', the second they start being something other than effortlessly perfect it's into the bin with them.
this is such a lovely take, i agree with everything you said! as soon as the It girl becomes aware of her status, or exists outside of the little box she’s put in, everyone turns their back, the “woman” her. thank you so much for adding to this conversation <3
The picture with the heels and wine glass reminds me of pride and prejudice when Caroline tells elizabeth what qualities Mr. Darcy looks for in a woman to which Elizabeth replies with “I’m no longer surprised at you knowing only six accomplished women.” The idea is that an it girl must have knowledge in fashion, food, literature, film, finance, etc., but she must do it in her own unique way to separate herself from others.
an "it girl" is a label someone bestowed upon them, like a reward for being themselves and just so NATURALLY enviable. even with it girl inflation there has never been a self-identified it girl. it's crucial that they don't see themselves as aspirational, but rather are positioned as grateful for their opportunities?
do you listen to the stargirl podcast by emma glenn baker? it's a great companion piece. emma's definition of "stargirl" is a little different. simply put, she examines the girls/women who stand out in the media. she's well-reasoned and discriminating with determining the factors and axes that differentiate public figures.
Loved every single word on this post. "I try too hard to be perfect, I want everyone to like me, maybe to a fault, but those are traits that are part of me, and I would rather keep trying to learn more about myself. I’ll take the time to slowly learn to answer “tell me about yourself” and then become their shapeless, perfect “It” girl." — THIS!!!!
“we find these aesthetics and fixate on them, convincing ourselves we need our lives to look just that way” this hit home terribly! The worst part is that we enter into this endless spiral of consuming the things that will supposedly make us feel an it girl just to find out that we’re are already looking for the next thing because that didn’t help. Really enjoyed this read 🍓
Must wear one down so much to be facing all this pressure. A significant part of social justice politics, from policing of cultural appropriation to demands for media representation, also seem to be fights over who (and from which group) gets a chance to be an It Girl or not.
I'm obsessed with those earrings. I am 10 years older then you, but I still struggle with figuring out what I really enjoy doing/wearing and how much of what I think I like is programmed into me by social media. For me, one of the best things I need to getting off instagram, it removed a lot of noise and I have been sitting and thinking in peace about what I actually enjoy doing, trying to put that into action. It's hard, but I think it will be worth it.
thank you so much! i’ve been debating leaving instagram for some time and i do think it would be very beneficial. (earrings are from liz fox roseberry on etsy!)
Online, it’s the rise between the curated influencer and the mysterious It girl. The It girl mentality is so universal but only few can achieve. I find girls that aspire to be either, and never achieve to be, are usually the haters of the effortless It girls they come across
I find that I tend to jump from “it girl” to “it girl” to obsess over. Overtime I have noticed the thing I envy most is the sense that they know who they are. Their looks, jobs, personalities, and hobbies are all different. The common thing is they all seem confident. So really what I want is assurance in myself. And I can buy their shoes or read their book or watch their movie all I want, but the self confidence doesn’t transfer. Which sucks bc I’d rather be able to buy it than put in the work to like myself lol.
To me, the tragic thing about aesthetics, and it-girls, is that they only exist because of other people‘s perception of you. And living for other people is the easiest way to waste the one life you have.
I've always felt like It-girlness of the Alexa Chung/Cory Kennedy kind is a double-edged sword - yes, they get attention (the 'boys want her, girls want to be her' - heavier emphasis on the latter than the former especially in fashion/cultural impact terms) but it comes at the cost of never quite being taken seriously. Sofia Coppola had to make four era-defining films (ymmv on the fourth but the first three undoubtedly shaped the look of the tumblr-era internet and aesthetic culture with it, and their impact continues to this day), win an Oscar AND a major film festival before critics admitted she wasn't just some nepo dilettante who dressed nicely, her leading lady in two of those four films (Kirsten Dunst) had her talent dismissed and downplayed for 20 years before everyone started actually watching her filmography and noticing the sheer range of her performances instead of putting her down because she was young and liked to party or go out without a bra sometimes.
And that box is confining for the women in it too. We see it every time either of the Hadid sisters speaks about Palestine - 'shut up and know your place i.e. looking good in pictures'. Cory Kennedy is on record talking about how the attention she received as a 15 year old made it hard for her to get a proper job or live a normal adult life. Like their existence in the public eye or at all is only acceptable as long as they aren't anything but 'the It girl', the second they start being something other than effortlessly perfect it's into the bin with them.
this is such a lovely take, i agree with everything you said! as soon as the It girl becomes aware of her status, or exists outside of the little box she’s put in, everyone turns their back, the “woman” her. thank you so much for adding to this conversation <3
The picture with the heels and wine glass reminds me of pride and prejudice when Caroline tells elizabeth what qualities Mr. Darcy looks for in a woman to which Elizabeth replies with “I’m no longer surprised at you knowing only six accomplished women.” The idea is that an it girl must have knowledge in fashion, food, literature, film, finance, etc., but she must do it in her own unique way to separate herself from others.
Ahhh the "it-girl". The cool girl. Rosamund Pike's monologue in "Gone Girl" comes to mind.
so well put!
an "it girl" is a label someone bestowed upon them, like a reward for being themselves and just so NATURALLY enviable. even with it girl inflation there has never been a self-identified it girl. it's crucial that they don't see themselves as aspirational, but rather are positioned as grateful for their opportunities?
do you listen to the stargirl podcast by emma glenn baker? it's a great companion piece. emma's definition of "stargirl" is a little different. simply put, she examines the girls/women who stand out in the media. she's well-reasoned and discriminating with determining the factors and axes that differentiate public figures.
i'll be checking the podcast out!! thank you so much for reading!
Loved every single word on this post. "I try too hard to be perfect, I want everyone to like me, maybe to a fault, but those are traits that are part of me, and I would rather keep trying to learn more about myself. I’ll take the time to slowly learn to answer “tell me about yourself” and then become their shapeless, perfect “It” girl." — THIS!!!!
“we find these aesthetics and fixate on them, convincing ourselves we need our lives to look just that way” this hit home terribly! The worst part is that we enter into this endless spiral of consuming the things that will supposedly make us feel an it girl just to find out that we’re are already looking for the next thing because that didn’t help. Really enjoyed this read 🍓
thank you so much!!
Must wear one down so much to be facing all this pressure. A significant part of social justice politics, from policing of cultural appropriation to demands for media representation, also seem to be fights over who (and from which group) gets a chance to be an It Girl or not.
i agree completely!!
I'm obsessed with those earrings. I am 10 years older then you, but I still struggle with figuring out what I really enjoy doing/wearing and how much of what I think I like is programmed into me by social media. For me, one of the best things I need to getting off instagram, it removed a lot of noise and I have been sitting and thinking in peace about what I actually enjoy doing, trying to put that into action. It's hard, but I think it will be worth it.
thank you so much! i’ve been debating leaving instagram for some time and i do think it would be very beneficial. (earrings are from liz fox roseberry on etsy!)
wonderful and so real
love this! saving to read on my break!
Online, it’s the rise between the curated influencer and the mysterious It girl. The It girl mentality is so universal but only few can achieve. I find girls that aspire to be either, and never achieve to be, are usually the haters of the effortless It girls they come across
so so obsessed with this piece...especially as another 22 (almost 23) indecisive gemini. amazing writing as usual 💌🤌🏻
omg my gemini twin <3333 you are so so sweet and i’m so glad you enjoyed this piece 💌
this is soooo true. been thinking about this concept a lot lately but i love how you put it into words
I find that I tend to jump from “it girl” to “it girl” to obsess over. Overtime I have noticed the thing I envy most is the sense that they know who they are. Their looks, jobs, personalities, and hobbies are all different. The common thing is they all seem confident. So really what I want is assurance in myself. And I can buy their shoes or read their book or watch their movie all I want, but the self confidence doesn’t transfer. Which sucks bc I’d rather be able to buy it than put in the work to like myself lol.
To me, the tragic thing about aesthetics, and it-girls, is that they only exist because of other people‘s perception of you. And living for other people is the easiest way to waste the one life you have.
All I can think is being a girl must be so exhausting.