i'm a 22-year-old teenage girl my girl hobby is little treat and rot in bed guys i can't think about this i'm just a girl who can't work and i need to read my YA romance
"i have no desire to ever relive my teenage years, and my mindset then was so naive and horrific that the thought of being back there sends a shiver down my spine" EXACTLY LOL
grateful for this well written piece!! I feel like there was a shift- I used to see the amazing capable women I know allowing themselves to be tired and unequipped for all that’s expected of them by remarking about how young they feel, now online culture has turned this into an excuse to just check out of life. It seems incredibly over the top because I understand where people are coming from on an individual level (just a little fun!!) but as what’s become a genuine movement (reclaiming girlhood by discrediting yourself??) it really does feel disrespectful to the work of so many women to rise above deeply rooted misogyny. I guess if we put the misogyny on the surface and say that by doing so we’re reclaiming it, everything’s fine
I really think something shifted for the gen z’ers that were in high school when the pandemic hit. The uncertainty of the everyday combined with isolation made us cocoon into consuming more media than we did before and the proliferation of social media made TikTok the most accessible, low-commitment media form of the time. It’s sad to see how exhausted and traumatized by the last 4 years everyone is that the only hobby they can muster is adding things to carts then *oops* not buying them and masking this regression of self-worth and progress under the guise of being “just a girl”.
an extension to this is also the fear of being perceived as a poser if we do pursue new hobbies or ideas outside the “just a girl” circle which has a characteristic of being nonchalant and natural for women. it’s easier to buy into that than possibly coming off as pretentious.
I love this post! It's so true even I find myself saying as a joke sometimes that my hobbies include rotting in bed. It's so sad I think this new era of 'girlhood' is partially down to how disconnected we've become as a society and how chronically online we've become; it's constant brain rot. We chase quick dopamine highs from social media or by constantly buying things that in reality we really don't need. I think the older we get as well it's hard to sometimes find new hobbies due to the internal pressure of having to be good at it the second you start said hobby, not to mention the decreased attention spans as a result of 15-second videos on Tiktok. That's alongside hustle culture shoving the message down our throats that you need a hobby that you can monetise, coupled with a crushing economic landscape, the hobby suddenly turns into a job and strips the fun out of it - just some thoughts I had reading your post.
i agree with these thoughts!! there's such a message right now about monetizing our hobbies, turning everything into a job, etc. thank you so much for reading <3
I have to agree with this even though the bio of my substack literally says I’m a girl in my 20s in 2020s. I love being a woman and I loved being a girl, but I didn’t know it at the time. I’m grateful that my adulthood allows me to connect with my childhood self. I think ‘i’m just a girl’ has helped a lot of us connect with our inner child even though a lot of people take it too far and do infantilise themselves. I’m currently writing a list of things I loved as a little girl which is fun too.
I tend to assume these people are speaking ironically or sarcastically? I'm all in favour of revisiting favourite books from my teenage years (long live L.M. Montgomery and Sarra Manning).
But the actual teenage girls in my life, ranging from 13 to 19, aren't nearly as keen on being boxed into what this trend seems to assume they should read or do or be into at their age - not a single one of them reads exclusively YA, for starters (14 year old cousin coming over and raiding my bookshelves for any books by or about the Mitford sisters) and do not react well at all to being infantilised or assumed to be incompetent. I think this 'I'm just a 25 year old teenage girl' business is more for and about the 25 (nor whatever well past teenage) year olds, not the actual teens they reference.
Hiiii! thank you so much for reading! when i wrote this, i was speaking primarily about people my age (early 20s) and how desire to return to what felt simple had branched into something far different. i do think that because of the effect of consumerism on society and how so many so called-girl hobbies are based on spending money, young women aren’t cultivating their own original passions they way that they were able to in a pre-social media age (when i was growing up)
ah. thanks for explaining, I was just reflecting on how the 'girl' trend of the 2020s seemed to be based on an idealised version of teenagerhood and not any reality, probably including the actual teen years of the people doing this.
Personally I think it's understandable that some young women might manifest nostalgia that way. Maybe it's my age getting up there but is it really true that as you said, 'girl hobbies' in this latest iteration don't include reading and arts and culture discovery when the mid-late 00s (blog/forum era) and 2010s(tumblr era) young-female internet was all about those things. I mean, Lana del Rey is part of the 'girl' aesthetic surely they must listen to her music too? Or watch a Sofia Coppola film? I think some of the 'girl hobby' lack of originality is the result of the flattening effects of the algorithm too but that's a different topic and a lot to get into in a comment.
i agree completely about the algorithm and its effect on originality but like you said, that’s a wholeeeee essay in itself. i spent way too much time on tumblr as a pre-teen and a teen so i resonate so much with the lana del rey sofia coppola-ificiation of girlhood, but at least in what i’m seeing, people have been using those “aesthetics” more as personality traits than as interests, like describing themselves as “i’m so lana del rey, malboro red, gold locket, cherry coke” etc. even now, days after publishing this, i’m still trying to figure out all of what girl hobbies are considered to be, so much of what i’m writing about in this piece comes from a very specific tiktok video discussing examples of what are considered girl hobbies. this is such a complex topic that honestly i could spend days discussing because as girls and young women we are continuing to grow and learn every single day. i’ve definitely written a bit of a novel here, but your comments just made me think even more about this topic 💌💌
Just read this and will probably read it a couple more times to fully digest it. I will say though, a part of me has felt the desire to relive my teenage years because of the growth I'm experiencing now. It felt like my emotional growth had stagnated in my teen years, and I am just now starting to grow again. In other words, I sometimes feel like I am living in my teen years now, growing and learning in a way teen-me should have but was robbed of by one reason or another.
ugh yes to all of this. i truly cannot be on social media most of the time because of this - it makes me feel insane. like we're all driving ourselves insane by the drivel we consume. everything is about looking like you're the kind of person who has the right hobbies/lifestyle without actually....having the lifestyle/doing the things those hobbies necessitate.
oh totally! social media is a terrifying place. it's so easy to put on the persona of being a completely different person and doing it for long enough that you convince yourself that you are essentially like that. many many thoughts on this but thank you so much for reading <3
Thank you for writing this brilliant and insightful piece on such an infuriating topic. The line: “hello my hobbies are social media and little treat” had me in stitches lmao! Well said. On a more dire note, I absolutely agree with you that the infantilizing and belittling of young women has taken a turn for the worse recently. American culture has always been youth obsessed, yet the a progressively prominent place of social media in people’s lives has escalated the insane worship of infantile girly-ness to a whole new level of toxic misogynistic nonsense. Girl Math, girl walk, girl hobbies, wtaf??? I agree with you that there is nothing inauthentic or whatever about using academic language; this accusation that intellectuals are somehow elite or inaccessible is total bs. For me, one of the most important qualities in a person is their intelligence (along with kindness and humor.) Yet in a consumer culture that worships appearances above all else, I guess somehow the more subtle character traits like intelligence are sidestepped and even mocked as undesirable? I find this idea that women are better off dumbing it down deeply upsetting. I think that you are right on in highlighting the connection between encouraging perpetual girlhood in young women and the never-ending expansion of postmodern hyper consumerist culture. I’m so grateful for your excellent piece on this troubling trend. Thankfully your eloquent, thoughtful, and honest writing gives me a bit of hope!
"i have no desire to ever relive my teenage years, and my mindset then was so naive and horrific that the thought of being back there sends a shiver down my spine" EXACTLY LOL
thank you so much for reading!! but yes!! i'm grateful for my teenage experiences but i would never ask to relive them <33
grateful for this well written piece!! I feel like there was a shift- I used to see the amazing capable women I know allowing themselves to be tired and unequipped for all that’s expected of them by remarking about how young they feel, now online culture has turned this into an excuse to just check out of life. It seems incredibly over the top because I understand where people are coming from on an individual level (just a little fun!!) but as what’s become a genuine movement (reclaiming girlhood by discrediting yourself??) it really does feel disrespectful to the work of so many women to rise above deeply rooted misogyny. I guess if we put the misogyny on the surface and say that by doing so we’re reclaiming it, everything’s fine
so well put! i agree with everything you said and i’m sending hugs and giant thank you’s for reading this 💌
<333
I really think something shifted for the gen z’ers that were in high school when the pandemic hit. The uncertainty of the everyday combined with isolation made us cocoon into consuming more media than we did before and the proliferation of social media made TikTok the most accessible, low-commitment media form of the time. It’s sad to see how exhausted and traumatized by the last 4 years everyone is that the only hobby they can muster is adding things to carts then *oops* not buying them and masking this regression of self-worth and progress under the guise of being “just a girl”.
i agree completely, the pandemic is such a huge factor in this (and so many other aspects of our lives) thank you tons for reading 💌
an extension to this is also the fear of being perceived as a poser if we do pursue new hobbies or ideas outside the “just a girl” circle which has a characteristic of being nonchalant and natural for women. it’s easier to buy into that than possibly coming off as pretentious.
As a 33 year old who has run into countless other women who don't have any hobbies that aren't also running errands, I love this.
I love this post! It's so true even I find myself saying as a joke sometimes that my hobbies include rotting in bed. It's so sad I think this new era of 'girlhood' is partially down to how disconnected we've become as a society and how chronically online we've become; it's constant brain rot. We chase quick dopamine highs from social media or by constantly buying things that in reality we really don't need. I think the older we get as well it's hard to sometimes find new hobbies due to the internal pressure of having to be good at it the second you start said hobby, not to mention the decreased attention spans as a result of 15-second videos on Tiktok. That's alongside hustle culture shoving the message down our throats that you need a hobby that you can monetise, coupled with a crushing economic landscape, the hobby suddenly turns into a job and strips the fun out of it - just some thoughts I had reading your post.
i agree with these thoughts!! there's such a message right now about monetizing our hobbies, turning everything into a job, etc. thank you so much for reading <3
I have to agree with this even though the bio of my substack literally says I’m a girl in my 20s in 2020s. I love being a woman and I loved being a girl, but I didn’t know it at the time. I’m grateful that my adulthood allows me to connect with my childhood self. I think ‘i’m just a girl’ has helped a lot of us connect with our inner child even though a lot of people take it too far and do infantilise themselves. I’m currently writing a list of things I loved as a little girl which is fun too.
i love that you're writing that list!! thank you for reading <3
I tend to assume these people are speaking ironically or sarcastically? I'm all in favour of revisiting favourite books from my teenage years (long live L.M. Montgomery and Sarra Manning).
But the actual teenage girls in my life, ranging from 13 to 19, aren't nearly as keen on being boxed into what this trend seems to assume they should read or do or be into at their age - not a single one of them reads exclusively YA, for starters (14 year old cousin coming over and raiding my bookshelves for any books by or about the Mitford sisters) and do not react well at all to being infantilised or assumed to be incompetent. I think this 'I'm just a 25 year old teenage girl' business is more for and about the 25 (nor whatever well past teenage) year olds, not the actual teens they reference.
Hiiii! thank you so much for reading! when i wrote this, i was speaking primarily about people my age (early 20s) and how desire to return to what felt simple had branched into something far different. i do think that because of the effect of consumerism on society and how so many so called-girl hobbies are based on spending money, young women aren’t cultivating their own original passions they way that they were able to in a pre-social media age (when i was growing up)
ah. thanks for explaining, I was just reflecting on how the 'girl' trend of the 2020s seemed to be based on an idealised version of teenagerhood and not any reality, probably including the actual teen years of the people doing this.
Personally I think it's understandable that some young women might manifest nostalgia that way. Maybe it's my age getting up there but is it really true that as you said, 'girl hobbies' in this latest iteration don't include reading and arts and culture discovery when the mid-late 00s (blog/forum era) and 2010s(tumblr era) young-female internet was all about those things. I mean, Lana del Rey is part of the 'girl' aesthetic surely they must listen to her music too? Or watch a Sofia Coppola film? I think some of the 'girl hobby' lack of originality is the result of the flattening effects of the algorithm too but that's a different topic and a lot to get into in a comment.
i agree completely about the algorithm and its effect on originality but like you said, that’s a wholeeeee essay in itself. i spent way too much time on tumblr as a pre-teen and a teen so i resonate so much with the lana del rey sofia coppola-ificiation of girlhood, but at least in what i’m seeing, people have been using those “aesthetics” more as personality traits than as interests, like describing themselves as “i’m so lana del rey, malboro red, gold locket, cherry coke” etc. even now, days after publishing this, i’m still trying to figure out all of what girl hobbies are considered to be, so much of what i’m writing about in this piece comes from a very specific tiktok video discussing examples of what are considered girl hobbies. this is such a complex topic that honestly i could spend days discussing because as girls and young women we are continuing to grow and learn every single day. i’ve definitely written a bit of a novel here, but your comments just made me think even more about this topic 💌💌
Just read this and will probably read it a couple more times to fully digest it. I will say though, a part of me has felt the desire to relive my teenage years because of the growth I'm experiencing now. It felt like my emotional growth had stagnated in my teen years, and I am just now starting to grow again. In other words, I sometimes feel like I am living in my teen years now, growing and learning in a way teen-me should have but was robbed of by one reason or another.
i completely understand what you’re saying, especially what you’re saying about the current growth you’re experiencing!! thank you for reading 💌
ugh yes to all of this. i truly cannot be on social media most of the time because of this - it makes me feel insane. like we're all driving ourselves insane by the drivel we consume. everything is about looking like you're the kind of person who has the right hobbies/lifestyle without actually....having the lifestyle/doing the things those hobbies necessitate.
oh totally! social media is a terrifying place. it's so easy to put on the persona of being a completely different person and doing it for long enough that you convince yourself that you are essentially like that. many many thoughts on this but thank you so much for reading <3
Thank you for writing this brilliant and insightful piece on such an infuriating topic. The line: “hello my hobbies are social media and little treat” had me in stitches lmao! Well said. On a more dire note, I absolutely agree with you that the infantilizing and belittling of young women has taken a turn for the worse recently. American culture has always been youth obsessed, yet the a progressively prominent place of social media in people’s lives has escalated the insane worship of infantile girly-ness to a whole new level of toxic misogynistic nonsense. Girl Math, girl walk, girl hobbies, wtaf??? I agree with you that there is nothing inauthentic or whatever about using academic language; this accusation that intellectuals are somehow elite or inaccessible is total bs. For me, one of the most important qualities in a person is their intelligence (along with kindness and humor.) Yet in a consumer culture that worships appearances above all else, I guess somehow the more subtle character traits like intelligence are sidestepped and even mocked as undesirable? I find this idea that women are better off dumbing it down deeply upsetting. I think that you are right on in highlighting the connection between encouraging perpetual girlhood in young women and the never-ending expansion of postmodern hyper consumerist culture. I’m so grateful for your excellent piece on this troubling trend. Thankfully your eloquent, thoughtful, and honest writing gives me a bit of hope!
this comment made my day! i appreciate your kind words and i'm so glad this piece resonated with you <3
Yes yes YES